Paleo Tart Jumbleberry Jam, with Chia

As promised, today's post is a homemade jam recipe, perfect for DIY holiday gifts.  Jam sounds kind of blah and hillbillyish, i know, but I swear once they are comfortably ensconced in their absolutely f*ing adorable little 4 ounce bar jars and some cute little clear cellophane bags, they will be perfectly holiday appropriate.

See? What could be cuter???  So adorable.  And I'm almost embarrassed to admit how ridiculously easy it was to make.  I did make quite a large quantity, but nonetheless, this was EZPZ peeps.

Paleo Tart Jumbleberry Jam, with Chia
-7 16 oz. bags frozen berries, mixed varieties (I used a combo of blueberries, cherries, blackberries, raspberries, cranberries (!!!!), and strawberries.  DO NOT OMIT CRANBERRIES!!)
-40 drop vanilla creme stevia (optional, depending on who you are gifting)
-1/2 cup chia seeds

This yielded roughly 70 ounces of jam when all was said and done.  Because the fruit was frozen, you start out with tons of juice in the pot.  That's ok, do not pour it off, you'll simply reduce it down.  Thaw your frozen fruit and transfer to a very large pot.  Turn the heat up and bring to a boil.  Add your stevia, if using, and then turn the heat down a tad and simmer until it has reduced considerably and the juice has cooked off.  At this point, with the back of your spoon start mashing the fruit, making sure all the cranberries have burst.  Add your chia seeds, and then continue to simmer until the jam has reached your preferred consistency.  Turn off the heat and let sit for 15 minutes or so, and the jam will continue to thicken.  Spoon into your sanitized jars and you are done done done!  Can you believe there are basically just two ingredients??  I don't know why people think you need to add sugar.  You sure do not!  Although sugar does act as a preservative, so be advised that this jam will not last long as the store bought variety.  I believe you can freeze this jam in freezer safe containers.

I used all 12 little 4 oz. ball jars, and still had enough left over to fill an entire 16 oz. jar, plus another 3 or 4 ounces or so to spread on some random things.  It would make a fantastic filling for thumbprint cookies or a spread for a cake.  With the dark, tart flavors, it's really the perfect gift for the holidays.  I hope you try it!

Not a whole lot else to report.  I am dutifully Whole30ing this week- as evidenced by this yummy crab salad from last night.

Ok folks, have a wonderful day, and enjoy the last few nights of Chanukah if you are participating! XoXoGFG

Homemade No Sugar Apple Butter

We had lots of fun apple picking this weekend, if you are in the KC area then definitely don't miss Schweizer Orchards in St. Joseph.  A hike for sure, but well worth it, with a hayride, pumpkin patch, and lots of kids activities.  A super affordable afternoon and best of all, you can pick a bazillion apples for next to nothing!  We were a few weeks too late I think, but still managed to score pretty big.

And what is a family of three to do with a bazillion apples you ask?  Make homemade apple butter of course!

Homemade Apple Butter, No Sugar
12 apples, cored and sliced (I used assorted apples, honeycrisp mostly, some jonagold, some green)
3 cups filtered water
2 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 1/2 teaspoons nutmeg

Dump your cored and sliced apples in your crockpot with your water, and sprinkle on your cinnamon and nutmeg.  Stir well to coat the apples in the spices evenly.  Then turn your crockpot on to LOW and let it cook overnight.  I actually let mine cook for 15 hours, and at the end, they were totally finished, no additional cooking necessary.  However, if you just do yours overnight, here is what you do in the morning:  Get out your stick blender and blend them all up well in the crockpot.  Then recover and cook on high for an hour or two until you get the consistency you are looking for.  I like mine really super dark brown, and this also concentrates the flavors so you get a deep, dark, rich, buttery maple flavor.  You absolutely do not need added sugar.  Try it out!  This made probably 20 ounces of apple butter.

Chocolate Almond Butter

This is a great alternative to chocolate hazelnut butter, in case you want something different, or just have lots of almonds on hand.  Also, you don't need to go through the extra step of roasting your hazelnuts and skinning them (UGH) so try this recipe out rather than buying the sugar laden junk at the store.

Chocolate Almond Butter
1 cup raw almonds
3 tbsp cocoa powder (i like it suuuuper chocolatey!)
3 packets stevia (I used pure via)
2 tbsp coconut oil
pinch of salt

In a food processor, process your almonds until it starts to become buttery, as opposed to flour-y.  This will take a few minutes, and likely you'll have to scrape down the sides periodically.  Once it starts to resemble a butter, turn off the processor and add in your cocoa, salt and sweetener, and turn it back on.  Then, drizzle in your coconut oil with the machine whirring just until everything is incorporated.  Taste and adjust according to taste.  You may want it a tad more sweet, or a bit "runnier."

This is a great condiment to have on hand, and also makes the base of some pretty delish chocolate almond cookies!  All you do is add an egg, and some granular sweetener, and you've got a cookie batter!

Enjoy!

Sugar Free Lemon Lime Curd

Do you like SUPER tangy/sour foods?  If so, there is probably nothing tangier and more lip puckering than this Lemon Lime Curd.  It will practically curl your toes!  Don't ask me why I made this.  I don't usually go for lemony stuff and I'm more into solid treats than mushy ones.  Maybe it's because MKG had some lemon meringue pie last night (rude!) in front of me.  That is probably why.

Anywho… the GFG is sad to say that fruit is 100% gone from my diet.  I am in mourning.  I cut out I'd say 80% of it already, but it seems my blood sugar just cannot handle the little buggers.  And I am far too lazy to have to think about how many grams of carbs in each portion of fruit I'm eating and how much protein I'm eating it with, etc etc.  So down the abyss it goes, with all the other non-GFG approved foods.  I'm sure they are all having a party down there, the granola and watermelon and crackers and french fries and bananas enjoying being high as a kite on sugar and carbyness.  Oh well!  I'll trade their partying for me NOT going into a sugar coma any day.  However- lemons and limes are different.  I don't really consider them fruit, not in the traditional sense anyways.  Yes they are fruit, they have seeds and grow on trees, but they have so little sugar, and all that acid is actually quite alkalizing in your body, and quite good for you.

I also gave up dairy 95%.  The remaining 5% is butter, which I rarely use, but dang-it if I want to use a little butter now and then I'm not going to lose my sh*t over it.  I guess I could go super-paleo and get some ghee.

But back to the subject at hand.  I made some lemon curd.  I ate several bites of it and that was enough for me.  It was really good, but pretty powerful.  So beware peeps!  I am not going to show you a pic, because it was ugly.  You've all seen lemon curd before.  So just pretend you're looking at a pic now.

Sugar-Free Lemon Lime Curd
2 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice
2 tbsp fresh squeezed lime juice
1/4 cup erythritol (I like Z Sweet brand from WF)
zest from the lemons/limes
3 egg yolks
1/4 cup butter, butter sub like Earth Balance like I used, or even coconut oil

Melt your butter over low heat, then mix in juice and erythritol.  Remove from heat and stir until sweetener is dissolved.  Mix in your yolks then return to low heat and stir until your arm falls off, or the curd has thickened considerably, whichever comes first.

Refrigerate and enjoy with your morning coconut flour muffin, of which you all know I have many many many recipes.  Don't believe me?  Look to your right and you'll see MUFFIN in the tag cloud.

Do you eat fruit?  What fruits are in your repertoire?  What's your take on dairy?  I don't seem to have a problem digesting it, I've just been reading so much about the negative impact all that lactose can have on your insulin levels….

Til next time GFGs!! Xoxo

Homemade Ranch Dressing made with Yogurt

AAaaarghhh I had a whole post finished and then I accidentally deleted and have to start over!  Ugh!  Oh well.  Today's post is about a super easy recipe for homemade ranch dressing- I cannot understand why it took me this long to make some.  No cooking involved, just stirring.  I have been searching high and low for an acceptable ranch dressing that I could feel good about giving S, but they either have a bunch of gross preservatives, sugar, HCFS, starch, or are made with soy derivatives or some other such product.  Ick.

Perusing Pinterest as I am wont to do, I found many a recipe that were almost what I was looking for, but not quite.  They all called for sour cream, for one.  Finally, after giving it some thought, I came up with this delightfully creamy, thick, tangy, and decadent tasting ranch dressing, that is made with YOGURT!  Yogurt folks.  No one would ever ever know.  I promise.  If I were a real rock star I would make this with homemade mayo- but I haven't gotten there yet.  If you have the balls to make some, here is a great recipe.

Homemade Ranch Dressing with Yogurt
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 cup yogurt (I used plain non-fat european style from TJ's
3/4 cup plus 1 tbsp mayo (mine is reduced fat canola oil mayo from TJ's)
2 tsp lemon juice
2 1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp dried chives
1 tsp dried dill
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp celery salt
1/4 tsp seasoned salt

Stir to combine and pour into your jar/bottle.  This makes 2 1/2 cups.  My jar only held 2 cups so the rest I'm bringing to a friend.  This is super tangy and tastes so.... fresh!  Seriously.  When I think about all that processed junk they call dressing, all I can think about is chemicals and plastic and god knows how long it was sitting on the shelf.  Honestly- if the individual ingredients aren't actually food, and for some reason it can sit on a shelf at room temp for an eternity at the grocery store- how on earth do we just universally accept it as food?  It's not food!  It's an engineered chemical edible product.  Barf.  However, this probably will not last too terribly long, even in the fridge.  Well, it shouldn't anyways.  But no way would I throw this out in two weeks if it still smelled and tasted good.  Uh uh.  I made a big batch of ketchup like, months ago, and after defrosting some a month ago it's still in the fridge, and I'm still gonna use it, and I don't care. It's not bad, I think people get really super conservative about telling you when to throw stuff out.  You can throw out your half-eaten perfectly good homemade condiments whenever you want!  But me, I'll hang on to 'em until they start to look/taste weird.

S is starting to get a wee bit pickier about eating her veggies, so I figure this ranch should do the trick when her green beans are causing a tantrum.  Spinach has become a recent new fave when I add a touch of cream cheese and some kosher salt.  I do like ranch a lot, although I've never been one to slather it on pizza, sandwiches, french fries, tater tots etc, not that I eat that stuff anymore anyways.  What's your favorite way to eat ranch?

Happy eating GFG's, xoxo!!

Sugar Free Nutella Popsicle!

Shopping at Target yesterday I spotted some cute heart-shaped popsicle freezy things on clearance from Vday- and I quickly snatched the last one.  With spring around the corner and zillions of popsicle recipes on the interwebs, I just had to give it a shot!  So easy and way better than buying those gross sugar free fudgsicles in the freezer case.  You could make this just as easily with almond or peanut butter or cashew or sunbutter!

Sugar Free Nutella Popsicle
4 tsp homemade nutella
2 small overripe bananas, or one large and half of another one, etc
1 tbsp cocoa powder
1/3 cup (nut)milk

Blend everything together and transfer to your popsicle thingies.  Freeze for four hours.  Mine need to be thawed under lukewarm water for the popsicle to slide out.  Enjoy GFG's!!! 

What's your favorite popsicle recipe??

Chocolate Coconut Flour Cookies and Lentil Arugula Pesto

Today I played around with coconut flour and lentils- winning combo right haha!  Actually- I thought S might like lentils so I made a big batch of them, knowing I'd have plenty of uses for them.  The arugula pesto is bright and springy and a beautiful green color.  If you're looking a for a different take on dip and want something fresh for crudite- try it out!

Lentil and Arugula Pesto
1 1/2 cups cooked lentils
3 scallions, chopped
1/3 cup tahini
juice of one lemon
1/2 cup arugula
1 tsp minced garlic
salt and pepper to taste

Throw everything in the food processor until well combined.  I am aware that without olive oil it's not really a pesto- so drizzle a bit in if you like while the processor is going- it will emulsify as the processor does its magic.  Great with sliced cucumbers or grape tomatoes!

I had also wanted to try making a cookie with coconut flour.  A) Coconut flour is way cheaper than almond flour and B) all that fiber, and much less fat.  While I love coconut in pretty much every single way- coconut flour can have such a spongy, mealy texture that bothers me.  I find that adding cocoa powder always minimizes that for me, for whatever reason.  So these are chocolate cookies.  Feel free to make whatever substitutions you want with the mix-ins.  As usual, I was trying to get rid of a few things, so that's what I used!

Chocolate Coconut Flour Cookies
3/4 cup coconut flour
1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
1/8 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanillla
4 eggs
1/2 cup liquified coconut oil
1/3 cup sweetener, like Stevia in the Raw, mixed with almond milk to make 1/2 cup liquid total
1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
3/4 cup chopped pecans (or choc. chips, or walnuts, or peanuts...)

Sift flour, cocoa powder, and salt together.  In separate bowl, combine oil, eggs, vanilla, and almond milk mixture.  Combine wet with dry and incorporate, then adding in nuts and shredded coconut.  Using 1 tbsp measure, drop dough onto parchment lined cookie sheet.  Cookies won't spread out so form them into cookie shapes by pressing down with fork.  Bake at 375 for 15-20 minutes.

These cookies are easy and yummy.  Walnuts would have been the obvious choice but I had just the right amount of pecans leftover, so that's what I used!  Peanuts also would have been great.  You could totally omit the coconut and be fine.  Chocolate chips would have made it spectacular!  This is a good base recipe to have and adapt as the mood strikes. 

I had plenty of lentils left so made a super quick "stir-fry" if you will with sauteed onion, carrots, celery, garlic, and grape tomatoes, a little cumin, and lentils.  So filling, so easy, and so delicious!  Lentils are such a fantastic food- and so incredibly affordable.  Can you get much better than that?

T minus 6 days until my amazing, sparkling, fabulous new range arrives!  I am thrilled beyond words about it.  It is your standard 30 inch range but five burners, and the middle burner is like a long oval shape for a griddle/grill pan.  Plus warming drawer which I doubt I will ever use, and a convection oven which I am dying to try.  I am so stinkin excited!  And a new dishwasher to boot!  My top row of dishes might actually get clean, rather than come out of the dishwasher cloudy with bits of food stuck to it.  Yeah!!!!!!  Really stoked.  I am hoping it improves the whole aesthetic of the kitchen and maybe the falling apart piece of garbage cabinets won't bother me quite as much.  I actually think it will!  Can you tell how excited I am?????  I don't even remember the last time I was this excited about a thing or object.  Pretty goofy!

My little pumpkinhead is soooooo close to walking, although watch in another month I'll still be saying the same thing.  For whatever reason she has decided she mostly prefers bear crawling around the house rather than regular crawling.  It is pretty hilarious seeing her big diaper tush scooting around.  She is the absolute loudest baby I have ever heard.  The girl babbles LOUDLY all day long.  In her crib, on the floor, when I'm holding her, in the bath, on a walk, whatever.  At Trader Joe's, at the pool, in the car, you name it.  The girl can TALK!  She comes by it honestly though!  She will be one year old next Friday.  OMG.  I am starting to research preschools and the thought of dropping her off somewhere by herself is terrifying- I could cry thinking about it.  Good thing I still have another year of her all to myself!  Ok.  I am doing that thing where I nauseate even myself.  So on that note- some random thoughts.

Why have True Blood and Entourage become completely unwatchable?  They are so god-awful.  I am embarrassed and irritated the entire time I watch both shows.  Why do I watch?  Why did I spend a ridiculous amount of time cleaning today when the plumber is coming Weds to run the gas line and both he and my insane psycho of a dog will completely destroy the house?  And why do I have eighteen million bug bites and why aren't the really old ones going away?  I am covered in them!  UGH!

Night Night, XoXoGFG

Homemade Sugar Free Chocolate Hazelnut Spread!

Can't wait to try this bad boy!

So flippin' good!

Homemade Nutella

Adapted from The LA Times' Hazelnut Chocolate Spread Recipe (and then adapted again by me!)

*1 1/2 cup hazelnuts, toasted and skinned
*1/3 cup cocoa powder
*2/3 cup sugar substitute (edited 7/22- wayyyyy too sweet, 1/4 cup would be fine)
*pinch of kosher salt
*2 tablespoons organic coconut oil

1. Place toasted and skinned nuts in a food processor. Process until the nuts turn into a smooth paste (you may need to scrape the bowl a few times so all the nuts get ground up evenly...this takes a few minutes).
2. When the nuts have been processed into hazelnut butter, add the sugar sub, cocoa and salt. Process again until smooth.
3. Add the oil and process once more. Your homemade nutella should now have a spreadable consistency.
4. Transfer your chocolate hazelnut spread to an airtight container. Storing it in the refrigerator will make it harden up and it won't be easy to spread, but that's the best place to store it if you want your homemade Nutella to last for a while. If you think it will get eaten up in a few days, you can store it at room temperature.

Edited:  I've tried making this a few different times and have a better recipe for you.  Give this one a whirl.

Sugar Free Chocolate Hazelnut Spread Revisited
2 cups hazelnuts, skins removed, lightly toasted or not, personal choice!
1/4 cup cocoa powder
pinch of salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp oil ( i used grapeseed, use whatever neutral tasting oil you have)
4-5 tbsp sugar free vanilla syrup, like Torani or Davinci
*have some filtered water on hand too

Grind your hazelnuts (or try almonds!) for awhile until it starts to get buttery. This may take awhile and you'll need to scrape down the sides intermittently.  Don't be lazy about this step or you'll have coarse, grainy hazelnut spread.  ick! Then add in all your other ingredients and pulse until it all comes together.  Taste it at this point and see if you like the flavor.  You can add a bit more sweetener if you desire.  You can also determine if you want it smoother or a bit more wet.  I added about a tablespoon of water at a time until it was the exact consistency I wanted.  I store mine in a glass jar in the fridge.